Our Little Peanut

Sept 17 2010

 On Aug 2nd I took 3 hometest and all were BFP. I then took a blood test Aug 3rd found out for sure on Aug 9th. Which they gave me another blood test.
 Aug 10th we went to see Dr Graves. We had our first ultrasound. She said "There's the little Peanut" So from that day we called our baby the little peanut. We were so excited. We couldn't believe we finally got pregnant after trying for so long. Our family's were so happy. I went out and bought a few clothes. I couldn't wait to buy more and buy baby stuff. I thought everything was going great. I guess we were wrong. On Sept 9th we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. It was so awsome. Then we went upstairs. We were having a ultrasound. The nurse left the room to get the Dr. He came in and looked. He said "I have some bad news the skull wasn't developed" It was the worst day of our life's. So on Sept 10 2010 I had a D & C we lost out little peanut. I was going on 13 weeks
 Why did God give me a gift that I wanted all my life and take it away? It's not right or fair. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I keep wondering if he will bless us with another baby? Scott is being so strong but I know he is hurting as much as I am. I don't know why this happened and why did it have to happen to me? Right now I'm so upset and still can't believe I lost my baby.

Sept 24 2010

It's been 2 weeks since we lost out little peanut. It doesn't feel that long. I feel so empty. I still feel like I killed my baby. I get so mad thinking of the girls out there that get pregnant so damn easy. They drink and do drugs and their baby's come out just fine. I don't get it. What did I do that was so wrong in my life to be given this kind of heartbreak? I'm feeling pissed and mad right now. I want my baby back.

June 3 2011

I know it's been awhile since I wrote anything I've just been dealing with the lost. On my due date March 15 2011 was a really emotional day. We bought a few baby things and took it to the hospital and asked the nurse to give it to a couple who would give birth that day. Well a couple days later we got a letter saying the couple wanted to say thank you and that they had a baby boy. We also wrote a letter to the couple telling them why we were doing this. We also let a balloon go. It was a nice feeling that day. We also found out not that long ago before the 15th that we are pregnant. We are so excited but will never forget our little peanut, I'm 19 weeks and everything seems to be going good. I'm still scared and will worry untill this baby is born.